CABIN CREATURE
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Unnecessary Purchases for Necessary Reasons

1/15/2022

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A lot of people right now are broke, close to broke, sensing the decrease of their bank monies but not quite broke enough to be concerned about it yet. For some of us, that didn’t even start right now. Some of us have always had the lesser of spare spending money. Regardless, there are the fine tastes in life that, despite the amount of coin people have in their pockets, they will indulge in. It could be a fancy cheese, or a bottle of wine, or a brand-name garment, or a new book. There are some things that we will continue to purchase even if we might be better off refusing. 
I like clothes. I don’t get to wear most of them during the week because I’m at work or at home alone. But when I do, it’s my time to be someone else, for I am not me when I get to dress like a civilian. I am a character. When I clothe myself on the one day of the week where I feel like I have reason to look like a person, I reimagine myself entirely. I am no longer that kid-adult that works at a drugstore as a cashier. I am a street rat from the eighteen-hundreds. I am a dystopian rebel in a ruined city. I am an angsty youth in English class. I am a protagonist in an indie coming-of-age film. I am whoever I want to be and it isn’t me. I don’t live the life I live when I wear these other clothes, I live the life of someone completely different. My backstory changes, my motivations line up differently, my mannerisms hold some other context behind them. 
With the purchase of a new clothing item, I acquire a building block to create a whole other person. Even though I don’t really change and I act the same way I always do, I feel different. I feel more purposeful, my life able to be written as I want it to because I am just a fictional being, a cosplay of someone who doesn’t actually exist. My problems are no longer my problems that day, or at least don’t hold the same weight. I’m free of the reality I live, even just for several minutes or hours or a day. 
I know I should be saving all the money I make, after all I have land to buy and cabins to build. However, this is my finer taste of life’s offerings. I found a pair of flat-soled Doc Martin boots whilst thrifting with friends the previous week. Regularly these boots are over a hundred dollars… I bought them for twenty-one. Are they three sizes too big? Yes, but the last owner left insoles inside that make them fit a bit better. Also now I can use them to look like an androgynous aspiring artist, or a rugged apocalytic survivor, or I could just pretend I’m taller than five-foot-two because my feet look bigger. The possibilities are endless. 
Some days I may look sloppy or unkempt or hastily put together, but on the contrary, every appearance is carefully curated to portray someone who only lives in my brain, even on the six days I don’t get full creative liberty. I always put effort into my presentation and the more clothes I buy, the more flexibility I have with that. 
Maybe my closet is full of unnecessary purchases or maybe it’s full of necessary clothing-portals.
I’m leaning towards the latter.
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    Hullo. Welcome to my brain that is predominantly made up of rants and sprinkled with a few life observations.

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