Medicine

I need a pill that makes me better.
I need a pill that increases the speed of my thought process so my brain no longer buffers. A pill that makes my knees and back and head stop hurting. A pill that stops me from being tired the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. I need a pill that enhances my will to grow stronger, healthier, and more motivated to draw, write, game, bake in my downtime. Some kind of pill that curbs my appetite and constant desire for food that doesn’t do good things for my body. A pill that pushes me to work faster and more efficiently so I can do better at my minimum wage job that pays for my wee apartment in a sketchy building.
I need a pill that forces my depressing thoughts away so I don’t unload them onto the people around me. I need a pill that ends my dysfunctionality so I'm not a chaotic mess all the time. A pill that takes my shyness and awkwardness away and instead gives me the confidence to start conversations and to end them. A pill that gives me the strength to say “no” so I don’t have to endure horrible situations or tolerate unappreciated actions. A pill that brings me the courage to turn away false friends and be myself in its entirety at all times. I need a pill that changes my face to match my woman’s body or my body to match my father’s face so I look correct and proper in the eyes of society. I need a pill that transforms my hidden rage to open happiness so that it no longer serves solely as a shield. I need a pill that shoves away my fears of dying and growing old because they are fears I cannot bear to face. 
I need a pill that bestows all the common knowledge upon me, the talked about shows, music, clothing, trends, so I don’t come off as naive or clueless. A pill that helps my brain think in a straightforward and logical way so I stop looking foolish or appear stupid. I need a pill that turns me into a wealthy person that can afford to quit my job and move away and start over since my problems are never with me, they are all external. A pill that lets me forget how lonely I am and how much I miss my family. A pill that hides my memories of beloved times so I can be happy where I am. I need a pill that deletes all my negativity, my bitterness, my spite as no one wants to deal with me when I'm like that. I need a pill that molds me into a machine with the soul of a human so I can't be a disappointment to anybody, so I don't have that worry.
I need a pill that makes me better.
I need a pill that fixes me.
Because then, maybe I'll fit in. Maybe I'll please everybody. Maybe this world will accept me.