Listen

I’m assuming most of us know the tale of the boy who cried wolf. I’m also assuming most of us have dealt with insufferable attention seekers at least once in our lives. Imagine the boy who cried wolf but instead of a wolf, it’s any other physical or mental problem. And instead of the boy facing the consequences for his actions, it’s everyone who genuinely is suffering from the falsehoods he claimed for himself. 
It’s hard to know what’s true because a few of our fellow humans thrive on lies. You hear a lot of “oh, they’re just doing that for attention” in response to another voicing pain. It’s due to the unfortunate desires of some who have sullied honor and empathy. Growing up, there would always be at least one child that over exaggerated every little thing to garner sympathy or simple, general attention. If all eyes weren’t on them, then they would find a way to change that. Since some children and adults alike have pulled these stunts and falsifications enough over time that the rest of us are fed up, we look at one another's suffering as insignificant and unimportant. For now there is no care and no believing these cries for help because wolf was shouted too many times and hurt is no longer real.
Except it is. Just because some of us have made up our agony does not mean everyone has. Just because we are tired of the fakers does not mean we can assume everyone else is like that too. 
I was limping a lot this week at work because a stress fracture in the arch of my foot was giving me immense pain. I’ve had it since I was about fourteen but it never healed properly as it wasn’t discovered until it was too late. I had complained about foot pain for awhile, weeks, months, but it was written off and I was told “it’s only pain”. I assume the fracture is flaring up because I’m walking again much more for the first time in a couple months but this wouldn’t have been a problem if I was taken seriously all those years ago.
I was in a miserable mood two or so years ago and was pissed at someone putting me in said miserable mood. When I was asked what was wrong, I had said I wanted to kill that someone. Obviously I didn’t mean it, but I was furious. However, I was misheard and they had replied with “why don’t you,” to which I was taken aback. I said, “what, kill them?” and they said, “yourself”. They had thought I said, “I want to kill myself,” and to that, they said, “why don’t you?” I was being sad and annoying them with my complaining and they were fed up so they responded without thinking about how hurt I really was because “it’s only pain”. 
This has happened to me a lot. So much so that I don’t know if I’m just making my problems up at this point. My body hurts all the time and I lose sleep because of it but since I’m young, I shouldn’t be feeling like this and so the doctors say there’s nothing wrong. Now I’m left to wonder if I’m just weak. My brain doesn’t want me to be alive, it doesn’t want to be happy. It makes me feel hopeless and defeated and tired. I can function though..out of necessity. I still show up to work, I still do my errands, I still take care of my house and myself. I must not be depressed then, I must just be over dramatic. Until, I talk to my friends and they say that my chronic pain isn’t normal and my functioning because I have to isn’t good. Until, they say that my problems are valid and I’ve just been ignored and overlooked by people that don’t want to be bothered. 
When a person is known for cutting themselves, they are often written off as “just doing it for attention”. Tell me, if they are putting a knife or a razor blade to their arms and legs, scarring their body, why should we not give them that attention they are seeking? Why do they not deserve help? Are we really going to ignore a truly troubled individual because another not-actually-troubled-individual pretended they were? 
From the friends I have, my own personal experiences, and various people I’ve talked to, a lot of the turning of heads comes from family members and doctors. Ignorance is bliss and if your child or patient isn’t suffering in your opinion then it must be true. Then the day comes when they kill themselves and everybody is in shock as to how this could have happened. I was birthed, I was chosen to come into existence. Health practitioners choose their profession and get paid to do it. In that case, I should get attention as a child and a patient. I didn’t choose to be here, others chose for me and others are there to protect me. This doesn’t just go for me, this goes for everyone. If you are going to have a child or if you're going to dedicate your life to helping and healing people then you better damn well take your job seriously. I am not to be heard only when it’s convenient for others. I have feelings and emotions and pains regardless of if you’re looking at me or not and I should be listened to when I bring any of it up as a concern. 
I don’t think I’m okay. Physically, emotionally, or mentally. I push forward anyway though since I have to. I bottle up my sad feelings and my angry thoughts since no one else wants to deal with me when I let them out. I keep existing for the sake of my friends and family and out of fear of death but I don’t want to be here most of the time. The sad thing is, a lot of my hurt could have been dealt with earlier had someone just listened. If people hadn’t ignored me or gotten mad at me, I might’ve been a lot more stable and happy today. Mind you I do try to blame myself first for everything but with this, I have tried so hard to help me not be a burden on others and the moments when I needed help, I was turned away. 
I look at my friends and I look at myself and I see how similar our situations are. We were abandoned by the people who should’ve been there to support us the moment we showed that we were not happy-go-lucky youths full of infinite optimism. We who are truly drowning have no one to save us because some other fucker faked it before us and now we aren’t to be believed. I get that giving everyone a chance is exhausting when you’ve been betrayed so many times already but you can and will save a life if you have faith over distrust first. I know maybe one person that I can currently think of that craved attention and manipulated others to get it. I know at least three people including myself that genuinely needed attention and would have been better off with it. Are we as a race really willing to sacrifice three honest people to turmoil because of a dishonest one? Are we seriously going to punish one another for unrelated crimes rather than hope not everyone is awful? The fuck sense does that make? 
I will not stand to suffer on behalf of selfish arses. I will not stand to have my friends face that same fate. If I am to be seen as an overly emotional female who’s angst, sorrow, and pain is obsolete then give me swift death over more of this purgatory. End me or help me, don’t play protector if you are going to watch out for me blindfolded.