One day I was watching this video and then I was perusing the comment section under it and then I stumbled upon this comment that, in a nutshell, said fictional role models aren’t real role models. The video was about female comedians and how a lot of them tend to joke about womanly things in vulgar ways as if that’s all women have to offer. This is in another nutshell. It was a very good video with a good message. Anywhomst, in the comment section, people were talking about good female role models who had a perfect balance of being a person without shoving down everyone’s throats that they were also ladies. Then someone said to veer away from fictional characters when listing good role models. Most of the responses were “like, why?” And thus a wee dispute erupted where a bunch of folk said it didn’t matter if the people were real or not because it’s what they represent and others disagreed and thought it was telling that the only good lady role models anyone could think of were fictional.
So, I got inspired by this concept because I have stumbled upon it throughout my life. I have heard more than once, fiction getting discounted because it’s fiction. Some humans lack the comprehension around how someone could fall in love with people that are made up, want to go to worlds that don’t exist, get so invested in stories that aren’t real. I think it’s in a similar realm of people thinking that animated shows are for kids and therefore not intelligent or meaningful the same way, I dunno, a documentary might be. All real world concepts can be expertly woven into fiction. In fact, fiction is a grand way to convey difficult topics and themes in a digestible manner. We can see our worlds mirrored in worlds that only exist on a screen. We can see ourselves, friends, and family mirrored in characters that only exist on paper. Our brains like to find patterns and they can find the parallels and familiarities in fiction and apply that to real life. Therefore, fiction has just as much value as non fiction. And the fiction that really sticks in one’s memory banks are the stories that come from people who have something to say. People with statements and ideas and truths that they want to show the world and they know how to do it. I always looked up to characters that started shit, specifically rebellious shit. I love to see oppressive systems toppled and that’s because I can’t topple my own. I also look up to characters with strong human-y connections and bonds. I will elaborate on that. Characters who stand together and support each other not out of romantic feeling but the base empathy we as a race have for each other. In the Hunger Games, Katniss partnered up with Rue because Rue is a wee child that is innocent and sweet and pure. In a Quiet Place: Day One, Eric stuck with Sam because she ain’t doing great and he feels for her and wants to do what he can to ease her suffering. In the Guardians of the Galaxy trilogy, the main ensemble kinda just stayed as a group beyond simply having a common enemy because they all had their own traumas and were broken in their own ways and they found they could gradually open up and trust one another. I look up to a slew of fictional characters based on their morals, actions, struggles, flaws, and ideas. I have learnt what unhealthy relationships look like, what PTSD looks like on different people, what quality friendships look like, and countless ways love is expressed. I can identify when certain things aren’t represented well from comparing and contrasting both my life and other fictional works. I can identify poorly written characters and arcs with that same method. There is so much to see underneath, in between, and around the words and images in front of my eyeballs. That’s why nuance and critical thinking are incredibly important. Fiction is a perfect way to pass on life lessons to all ages from all walks of life because you can mold what you want to say so that it reaches who you want it to reach. It’s as much a tool of communication as me writing this for you to see and that’s as legitimate as me talking to my friends in person tomorrow. The fandoms that form from shared love of a work of fiction is just as strong and alive as a real life community. Fiction brings people together impeccably well. Fictional characters might as well be walking amongst us from how much they are brought to life in people’s minds and hearts and spirits. Just because something is “made up” does not warrant it to be discarded as lesser. Reflect on what you read and watch. Reflect on what those in your life consume and how that might impact who they are. Be mindful of what your children, if you have any, put their eyeballs on. There is more often than not a depth beyond “just a kids show” and “just YA literature”. Brains be sponges and sponges be soaking up information, regardless of its origin. But brains also be muscles and muscles be working hard on organizing all that info and finding the meaning in it. Lolita is a fictional story, but if you know someone who thinks the protagonist is cool and good, run away real fast. If you know someone who finds the story fascinating but the protagonist disgusting, they’re probably all right. If you want to read the story yourself, and you’re in public, be sure to make a show of shaking your head in disappointment the entire time so others don’t get the wrong message about you. The reactions around that book alone though are enough in of themselves to show that fiction is not simply just fiction.
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I’m pretty sure that I’ve mentioned how much I enjoy winter markets. But I don’t know if I’ve talked about how much I just love local markets in general. I went to an indigenous artist market with my friends last Saturday and it was just swell! We purchased some stickers, pins, and small art prints. However, the absolute cherry on top were these four masterpieces that we looked at over and over again trying to contemplate which ones to get. They’re these beautiful works of art that me and one friend bought in pairs because we just couldn’t separate them. The silliest thing about this purchase we kept gushing over is that we’re saving them for our future shared house. The house that we have no idea when we’ll even be able to live in, but when we do, our walls are going to look glorious.
I get so hyped over these things. Whether it’s the artist alley at Fan Expo or a seasonal market, or the multitude of tents at Pride that display goods of all kinds. I feel so warm and fuzzy inside when I support local or small businesses and it’s something I find hard to do in normal everyday life. I feel like I can’t justify paying the higher price for my wants and needs when I could get it all cheaper at large chain stores. And it sucks, it feels icky, but I’m also poor. That said, when there’s a specific event, I can mental gymnastics my way into justifying buying from local folk then. Because this isn’t an everyday thing. I’m not doing this all the time. I have to wait for one of these things to happen and that typically means that I wait months in between. It’s so fun to window shop and look at stuff and sometimes buy that stuff. I love to decorate my house with purchases from people who don’t seem like they exploit their staff. I wish I could do this more often, but I’m glad to do it when I can. Back when I lived on the Coast, I went to a farmer’s market with my mum every week for awhile. We also used to go to garage sales every weekend too. And it’s always fascinated me how people can be so crafty and what people decide to sacrifice from their inventory. I need to pick up so many artsy hobbies sometime because I envy these folks so much. I so admire those who can make a wee living from things they make with their own hands. I wish we as a race would calm down with the big business and corporations and shit. How lovely it would be if we could support our economy and way of life on a more personal level. I want to know that my clothes were made by people who are paid living wages and treated well. I want to know that the food I eat comes from the farm six streets down. I want us to focus on quality and artistry over monopolizing the world and building rubbish. I keep telling myself that one day I’ll be able to afford to live and have some coin to spare. And I keep in mind all these places that I’ll get my goods from and all these people I want to support. I like to picture my nonexistent cabin decked out in the art I bought from various markets. My closets filled with sustainably made clothing. My kitchen stocked with local produce. I’ve deluded myself that if I can get to that point of stability, then I can single handedly save the world from its fast coming demise. I know in reality I’m just taking a bunch of baby steps rather than the lengthy strides I imagine, but each little step is at least a step to begin with. If getting laundry strips and raising plants and buying from quality businesses and recycling brings me happiness and does a bit of good, then huzzah. I’ve been playing Baldur’s Gate with my friends of late. It’s basically Dungeons and Dragons but as a computer game. There’s a storyline, side quests, and countless characters to meet, fight, or ally with. It’s incredibly enjoyable and so well done. And it’s also gotten me thinking about what it would be like if DnD was in real life.
The battles are all turn based. Each individual makes their move one at a time and no one else can do anything in the meantime. I can’t help but wonder, how silly would it look if that’s how our conflicts were done? Anytime there’s a brawl or a war, only one person at a time can make a move. Not only that, they don’t need to do this quickly. They can ponder, strategize, contemplate for as long as they need. Could you imagine just how long some of these situations would take? Like, either world war would probably still be going because so many people were involved. I find it kind of amusing in a way since it would be so wildly absurd. Another jolly good time is looting. You can loot your enemies, random buildings, random rubbish on the road, and even pickpocket both friend and foe. Whilst some things will bring you consequences, most are fair game. Just don’t touch anything that glows red when you hover over it. When me and my mates went to a particular restaurant, the entryway layout looked like a perfect cellar to loot. So many bottles and decorative plants and kitchenware. It would be glorious in-game to become encumbered over such a haul. Sometimes at work, I wonder how chaotic it would be if we could loot anything we wanted so long as higher ups weren’t around. How chaotic would it be if we could loot anywhere we went? In DnD you have a party of about five or so people but in this case, it would be millions of people in thousands of parties with no one being the main characters while everyone else is just extras to fill the world. I’ll pass shops and houses and glance at things I wish I could buy and then I wonder if I’d risk looting any of it if that were “legal”. I think about how convenient it would be to pick something up and it goes into some invisible inventory that I only feel when it gets too full. Grocery shopping would be a breeze! There are some other smaller things too that would be interesting. Rolling a die before you make any decision, the result determining your fate despite any skill or knowledge you have. Trading any unwanted goods, even garbage for money. Being able to acquire knowledge just by picking up a book or scroll and opening it. Actually being able to upgrade as a person depending on how much you succeed on your journey. All your perks increase in effectiveness and you gain new ones too. It wouldn’t be such a fantastical thing if raises and appreciation commonly happened in workplaces, but here we are. I’m probably forgetting things and will likely remember them in the wee hours, but this is a silly post anyway. Game logic applied to real life just amuses me so much the more I think about it and remember the small things that would change too. I wish we could flip a switch or something and transport to a version of life that we’re curious about, just to see how it unfolds. Can somebody invent easy pathways to alternate universes? Much appreciated. All words are made up. This isn’t to say that they have no worth. But it does mean that they can change and evolve and new words can come in to explain old concepts. This includes the dictionary of words regarding gender identity. I know I’m going to put a damper on all y’all planning a gender reveal party, but also, gender reveal parties are kind of stupid. They just allow the parents to put a slew of expectations and personality and traits onto their unborn ball of squish. I think it reveals so much about us when it comes to how much shit we give about two basic colors and the arbitrary meanings we’ve assigned to them.
I recently watched Mulan, the good one, not the new piece of shit, with my friends and I already know how much I love that movie, but oh my gods I fucking love this movie. I related so hard to that kid and I never even knew why because I didn’t have the vocabulary for it. Mulan showcased so much of how I felt internally and it makes all the more sense now. She was a girl, but not a hyper feminine girl, but also not really a masculine girl. She was just an average everyday girl. And then she pretended to be a boy, and she was a completely average boy too. She fought as a boy and as a girl and both those times, she had her own unique strategy. She was completely herself, personality wise throughout all the appearances she had. Whether she be presenting as a potential bride or a soldier. The concept of interchangeable gender had always been a desire of mine. When I played made up games with my sister as children, my characters would constantly flip flop between genders. I would play a boy as much as I would play a girl because I liked both. In real life, I would sometimes dress masculine and sometimes I would be feminine because I liked both. I wanted to be Peter Pan from the 2007 Peter Pan. I wanted to be Jack Sparrow, Will Turner, Elizabeth Swann, and Tia Dalma/Calypso from Pirates of the Caribbean. It oftentimes went beyond expressing myself through clothing because I wanted to be the gender that my clothes portrayed. It was a two in one sort of thing. When I played Fritz in The Nutcracker, I felt so comfortable as a little lad. Yet, I also felt beautiful and accomplished when I was dolled up in the dresses for the snow scene and Spanish dance. With my look for prom, I felt like an absolute goddess and I loved it. I’ve often felt a certain power with being able to pass myself off as a guy and a gal. I have a whole list on my phone of all the times people thought I was a dude and it’s great. All this is to say that when I announced myself as genderfluid, ultimately it really isn’t shocking. I’ve always been like this and if I had that label from the beginning, I would have used it. Nothing about me is different just because I no longer identify as a girl. So, what I’m trying to explain here in a very long winded way is that different gender terms shouldn’t cause any uproar. People are people. That’s it. We’re so diverse and unique and strange that we get separated and recognized by our personalities, habits, and quirks. When I think of my friends, I don’t think of girl 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and boy 1. I think of them as the amalgamation of their passions, interests, styles, mannerisms. I think of the things that make them similar to me or each other and what makes us different. Gender is just another thing that is thrown into the mix of their individuality-ness. It’s a basic piece of info that really only matters because it couples with the pronouns a person uses. If we were all taught the gender spectrum and the different identities that exist within, from a young age, the same way we were taught boy and girl, all those other terms would be just as familiar. They wouldn’t have such an insane impact. Especially if we would just fuck off with the gender reveal parties and all the stereotypes that haunt the two outcomes. Gender only means as much as it does to us because of what we associate with it. If we stopped looking at boys and girls through a tiny ass window, then all the other identities that are present wouldn’t cause so many people to have an aneurysm. I know learning is hard, believe me, I went through school with undiagnosed ADHD. However, you are never too old to intake information. That whole “can’t teach an old dog new tricks” is bullshit because firstly, we aren’t dogs, and secondly, our brains don’t just close off after a certain age. It just takes repetition. You need to gradually get used to the change, process it. A name change will take some time to remember. A label for gender identity and a switch up of pronouns will feel weird for a little bit. The more we open our noggins to it though, the shorter this societal transition period will be. Look, how we express ourselves and how we identify don’t always go hand in hand. Knowing that will really help first and foremost. Style has evolved a thousand times over the centuries. Men used to wear dresses and heels. Children used to all be clothed in the same styles regardless of gender because small children are all bean shaped. We have masculine women, feminine men, androgynous men and women, and we have people who don’t identify as either of those who wear any of that. Assumption isn’t the problem. Not respecting the information you’ve been given is the problem. We assume things all the time based on how people look. We guess that they’re rich, poor, businessperson, artist, unemployed, have a cat, have a girlfriend, don’t shower. We guess until somebody presents a confirmation. If we chuck out as many stereotypes from our brains as possible, life will be significantly less complicated. Because we’ll just have words. Instead of hearing boy and having a flood of images of all the things you associate with that consume you, boy will just mean boy. “Boy” will just mean what that particular individual considers themself. It will just be a word. “They/them” is just another pronoun. “Nonbinary” is just another gender. These words, like all others, mean slightly different things to each of us. “Tree” won’t invoke identical images for all of us, but I’m not going to tell you you’re wrong about what a tree is because you thought of pine and I thought of oak. Someone who uses “he/they” pronouns may consider themselves genderqueer, whilst another who uses the same pronouns identifies as nonbinary. Both of those genders fall under the same umbrella, the same way both those trees fall under the same general plant category. We as a society are able to recognize different kinds of trees are still all trees, despite there being hundreds of different, what are they, species? So why can we not do the same with genders and pronouns? There are a variety of genders, some will be less heard of, others far more common, but we can get familiar with the basic ones as a start and go from there. The internet too is a beautiful place, sometimes, where you can look up lists of all the “trees” that are known so you can expand your knowledge. I don’t know all the genders. The only time I did any research was when I was trying to figure out what I personally identified with. I’m still getting used to the fact that the definitions I associate with some of the genders aren’t the same as other people’s. But again, I’m not going to tell them they’re wrong because they see pine and I see oak. Yes, sometimes people get the definition completely wrong. A cactus isn’t a tree. A woman who was assigned female at birth isn’t trans. We can learn that though, we can learn when the definitions don’t match up with gender the same way we learned what counts as a tree and what doesn't. As the title says, this is a confusingly simple topic. Simple because we just have more words to describe more things more specifically. Complicated because we have difficulty reworking a system that has been in place for a long ass time where the rules are pretty concrete and rigid. But we are wholly capable of rebuilding things and we can rebuild our societal structure one rainbow brick at a time. |