No Fortune for You

There’s such a simple pleasure in receiving a fortune cookie with your meal. Even though much of the time it’s an incredibly basic fortune or not even a fortune but a random quote, it’s still fun to crack open that little cookie and collect the paper inside. 
Such was the mindset my friend had going into hers when we were sat at a table in a mall food court. She cracked open her cookie and the four of us leaned in, anticipating what might be written. It was instructions. It was instructions to go online to the fortune cookie’s website. My pink friend said she wouldn’t even bother, but the owner of the fortune cookie was in too deep, she had to see what was up. The site had the audacity to request her email before she went further, but she gave it nonetheless. There was a mystery to get to the bottom of. I believe she typed in a code that was on the “fortune” paper and that’s how she got her result.
Sorry, better luck next time.
I beg thine absolute most genuinely pure pardon? HUH? If I could skillfully type in a sputtering way, I would, but you’ll just have to imagine it. How’m’st is that all she gets? All of those extra steps and not a fortune whatsoever? Since when was that a thing? No quote? No list of lucky numbers? Just a “sorry, try again” message? IS THIS THE WORLD WE LIVE IN NOW?
The third friend who was there hates apps, er, to be more specific, hates that everything has an app now. And I’m inclined to agree. This took that kind of nonsense to a whole nother level. Why, in the name of all that is unholy, do you need to go online to figure out what your fortune cookie wants to tell you? Is it solely just so that company can send you spam emails? Is that how desperate people are these days? Like, what are we doing? 
Upon reading that result, our gasters were flabbered. Our gobs were smacked. Our boozles were bammed. We truly are living in a dystopian hellscape if a girl can’t even get a fortune out of her fortune cookie. They printed out a slip of paper to plop inside and everything. Why could they not just type out a “you will see good things next week” message or something? It’s just so godsdamned insulting, utterly disrespectful. It’s hard enough to find joy these days and now fortune cookies have been ruined by corporate weirdness! This was not the blog I was going to write initially but this situation was just so absurd that I had to. What a bizarre timeline we’re in, eh lads?